7 Relationship Resolutions for 2018. It’s Not Too Late.

2018 is here and we are already approaching the end of January. Whew!! That was fast. As many of us approach the second month of the year you must ask yourself “Am I staying true to my resolutions?” Well if you are in a relationship or marriage I hope you made some resolutions that focus on them. If you didn’t…don’t fret it is not too late.

Here are 7 resolutions to make 2018 the best year yet for your relationship:

1. Thank Each Other MORE Often

Easy, right? You would be surprised how saying “Thank You” more often can have a big effect on your relationship. Take time to thank your partner for all the things they do for you, the house, the kids, etc. It is about recognizing them for their efforts. Now… be careful to not go overboard, but rather see them with thankful eyes. You would be surprised how couples that have been together for years simply fall out of the habit of verbalizing their gratitude. This will make them feel “seen.” You will thank me later.

2. Prioritize Your Quality Time Together

When you wake up in the morning I want you to do one simple thing. That is to think about your partner and prioritize when both of you can spend quality time (QT) together. The truth is you likely wait until you both get home to think about QT, but then you run the risk of simply being too tired, and the only thing you want to spend QT with… is the bed. Instead, leave your electronics in the other room, go to the bedroom when your schedule permits, and spend the time you have been thinking about since that morning together. Plan… then DO!

3. Encourage Common Interest

It is so easy to do things YOU like to do, but when was the last time you learned new hobbies with your significant other? This year, find some common interest that BOTH of you would enjoy. There may be a few trial and error attempts, but once you find an interest you must do it often. If you want to learn more about your partner, then what better way than to have fun with them.

4. Fight Fair

This means refraining from things like attacking each other’s personality or character traits, name calling, criticism, and bringing up past issues into a current tussle. You want to fight about the topic that lead to the argument, and talk about it until there is a feeling agreement or disagreement.

Here is how I recommend stating your issue: “I am sad/annoyed/frustrated/angry about ________. In the future I think it would help if you could ________.”

5. Be Affectionate… Non-Sexually

This one is actually super simple. Are you ready to hear it? Okay… here it is: Sit next to each other more on the couch, at a friend’s house, in a waiting room, etc.

This increases the probability of affection, a commodity often seen far too little in long-term relationships.

6. Have an Honest Conversation About Sex

Ask yourself when was the last time you talked about your sex life openly with each other or have you ever? There are so many assumptions that we carry about sexual intimacy with our partners, and the worst part is that we assume that they know what we want in the bedroom? Resolve by start communicating about sex in 2018. It will take some courage and discomfort to bring this up with each other, so make sure you start with questions that stem from positivity, like, “what do you like the most about our sex life?” and what are your favorite sexual memories with me?”

7. Make Investments in Your Relationship

Your relationship warrants your time, energy, and resources.

Book a couples therapy or a sex therapy session. Read sex and relationship books together simultaneously. Go to marriage and relationship workshops and retreats. The best unions could still benefit from these investments.

It is never too early or too late to start working on your relationship and building a happier, healthier future together.

*Post written by Dr. Angela Jones

(This blog was inspired and referenced several resources: http://www.brides.com, Vanessa Marin, LMFT, and http://www.happywivesclub.com)

The Mindset of Harvey: Understanding Mental Health and Natural Disasters

Flooded streets, lost pets, destroyed homes, abandoned cars, homes under water, crying babies…. These are all the images we have seen on the news, our neighborhoods, or even inside our own homes. These vulnerable images are being played over and over for the world to see. Houston is now being put under a microscope, being judged, looked at, and misunderstood. However, there is one part of this scenario that will not be televised. In fact, it will be brushed over briefly and not be prioritized, and that is the mental health of the survivors.

I am writing this blog on day 4 of Hurricane Harvey, and the only emotion I have been constantly hearing and witnessing is overwhelming feelings of numbness, anger, depression, and in some cases acceptance. Houston is in a state of shock, and we do not quite know how to feel. This disaster is still processing in our minds and we are in state of disbelief. Did this really just happen? Am I really homeless? Has everything that I have worked for just get washed away? So many questions with answers we are not ready to address. Being in sense of denial, and though we see others dealing with the same disaster, we are still toiling with our own feelings of isolation and loneliness. Millions of Houstonians are about to go through the stages of grief at the same time and in different ways.

So as you sit in your home looking around at all your belongings under water, or in a shelter looking at strangers that are dealing with similar circumstances, in a friend’s home taking shelter, in your yard picking up clothes from your front lawn, or next door helping a neighbor…. I need you to know that you are not alone. That means these thoughts and feelings you are holding in… do not ignore. This blog was not written to make you, the reader, feel better or “happy”, but rather an acknowledgement that I….we….Houston have some idea of what you are feeling and that you’re not alone.

The American Psychological Association defines trauma as “an emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, rape or natural disaster.” However, that trauma is not only about the event but rather by one’s reactions to it and the symptoms. Any painful or overwhelming experience can cause trauma and that trauma (Hurricane Harvey) is only recognizable by its symptoms.

As Babbel (2010), stated the most immediate and typical reaction to a natural disaster is shock, which at first manifest as numbness or denial. Quickly or eventually shock can give way to an overemotional state that often includes high levels of anxiety, guilt, and even depression.

The American Psychological Association stated that the following are common symptoms of trauma:

• Feelings become intense and sometimes are unpredictable. Irritability, mood swings, anxiety, and depression are coming manifestations of this.
• Flashbacks: repeated and vivid memories of the event that lead to physical reactions such as rapid heartbeat or sweating
• Confusion or difficulty making decisions
• Sleep or eating issues
• Fear that the emotional event will be repeated
• A change in interpersonal relationships skills, such as an increase in conflict or a more withdrawn and avoidant personality
• Physical symptoms such as headaches, nausea, and chest pain

Do any of these symptoms sound familiar? Some survivors of Hurricane Harvey will seem at first perfectly fine, actually a little “too fine”, but these people can be beset with symptoms later on.

So what am I saying, why am I writing this blog? Well… my fellow Houstonians… my fellow Hurricane Harvey survivors… I am too a survivor. A person that has experienced this disaster, but also a person that wants to help. We, survivors of this horrible disaster, are recommended to seek professional guidance if we find ourselves unable to regain control of our lives.

In the upcoming weeks, I will attempt to update you on resources and coping techniques to help yourself and others.

Citations:

http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/recovering-disasters.aspx

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/somatic-psychology/201004/the-trauma-arises-natural-disasters