Permission to Cry as Baby Birdies Fly

As a mother of 3 young adult women, I have seen and experienced many conflicting emotions. Each spring, I watch as formal gowns emerge at boutiques as well as the mall. The front of every teen magazine reflects the current year’s trend for prom, invitations arrive in the mail and I am reminded of a bittersweet time. I encounter mothers and fathers daily who are facing this exciting time of celebration, graduation and transition. Often these parents start off with concerns of whether the child is ready for the new level in academia, or responsible enough to get up and go to class. The focus is primarily on the anticipated success or challenge of the child going away to college. In this extremely busy time, it is easy to focus on them and neglect the churning of our own personal emotions.

I personally experienced great surges in pride, joy and accomplishment accompanied by sadness, fear, even loss and grief. No one else was talking about the lump in their throat and tears stinging their eyes as they thought about letting go. I had this overwhelming sense of fear, like the first time I left them with a babysitter alone. Again, there was a silence that surrounded me that was deafening. I maintained control of my emotions until on the last Sunday before leaving the middle child said to me in front of the church, “Don’t worry mommie, you have done a great job. I am ready to go.” A deep loud cry escaped my throat and I let it out, and the tears flowed as if there was no off switch. At first I felt embarrassed, and then parent after parent with wet cheeks approached to say, “me too”. The lesson that I pass on from one extremely proud parent to those of you approaching your own new sense of freedom is CRY!!!

It’s ok to admit that you will miss them even though they still don’t pick up after themselves, that you are fearful for their safety in this big bad world. Talk about the approaching quiet and lack of “have to’s” with your spouse and be purposeful about planning for those times together to build your relationship as more than just mom and dad. And express your grief about the transition of baby growing up and the need of your care changing. And then rejoice, because you have done what you could to prepare them. And now you must trust that the pouring of prayers, lessons, corrections and accolades that you have bestowed upon them will be put to good use. It is now their time to forge their path and for you to redesign yours.

Happy Graduation and Prom parents! You have earned it.

Learning From Royalty

Prince Harry recently shared about the grief he experienced when his mother, Princess Diana, tragically passed away. He participated in a refreshing interview conducted by Bryony Gordon for her podcast, Mad World, in which he confessed, “losing my mum at the age of 12 and, therefore, shutting down all of my emotions for the last 20 years has had a quite serious effect on not only my personal life but also my work as well.” His confession was in part to promote the Heads Together campaign, created to fight the stigma associated with mental health. Prince Harry’s primary message is that while he did not seek professional help for anxiety and aggression until he was on the verge of a breakdown, there are millions that could learn from his mistakes and walk through healing much more quickly.

This isn’t the first time public figures have come out regarding their personal challenges with mental health. Lady Gaga has shared about her battle with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) through an open letter posted on her Born this Way Foundation website, and her declaration gave permission to all her fans to express their struggles with PTSD and/or other mental health issues. When high profile individuals expose their personal challenges with mental health, it normalizes the experience for all who look up to them and encourages those who are suffering in silence to speak up and choose to stop suffering alone.

Why are we afraid to talk about our painful emotions?

We all experience them. We are bombarded by disappointment, fear, hopelessness, doubt, insecurity, and the list goes on and on. But many of us refuse to speak up, largely because this is what has been modeled for us either growing up or in the society around us. This way of coping leads to a false hope that depression; anxiety or grief will erode away over time. We may fear merely talking about our emotions or facing them because they could get out of control. And when they don’t go away, we may resort to self-medicating with food, drugs or relationships. For a moment, we may feel confident that we have our emotions under control, but, once we realize this approach isn’t helping, we might choose to talk to someone about it or to continue to suffer in secret until the situation becomes worse. In reality, the avoidance of emotions can only last so long, and as counselors, we often receive phone calls of desperation, when a person is fed up with their life course and truly believe their sole option is ending it all. Avoidance is merely a temporary fix, and true healing requires a deeper and more intentional approach.

So What Do I Do Now?

Family and friends are not always equipped to help with mental health concerns, although that’s a great first step. Sometimes talking about personal struggles with a trustworthy friend is all we need to feel relief. Other times, professional help is necessary to tackle more debilitating concerns.

We might believe that professional help for mental health is only for severe cases. The truth is, counseling is for anyone experiencing any mental distress, which can include: life transitions (good or bad), loss of a loved one or a job, difficulty making decisions, feeling overall dissatisfied with life or unhappy in a relationship or alone. I’ve had clients express concern that they’re not sure they even need counseling and others who call and ask questions about the counseling process but aren’t yet ready to schedule an appointment. This information gathering process is very healthy, and once they feel ready, they call and schedule their first appointment.

The initial step to get help is always uncomfortable and feels unnatural. Finding a counselor, with whom you can share, your deepest most personal concerns with can be daunting. If you’re not totally sure about what you need, it could help to find someone who could point you in the right direction, like a primary care physician. They usually have referrals available for their patients. Be honest about the symptoms you are experiencing, and if you are having suicidal thoughts, share it with your doctor or call 911 if you fear you’re in danger of hurting yourself. If you need to call or email a counselor to ask questions about counseling before meeting with them in person, do it. Psychotherapists are aware of the fear and hesitation that most clients experience before they make their appointment. If the counselor you meet doesn’t seem like a right fit, that’s okay too. Find someone who works for you.

Prince Harry and Lady Gaga are human just like us, but because of their very public lifestyle, it’s hard to imagine that they have hard days or that they struggle with their mental health. In reality, we all struggle, and now it’s our turn to break the cycle of avoidance in our own lives and choose healthy living.

To The Mamas of Teenage Boys

Things change quickly when boys begin turning into men. They look weird. Their voices change. They always smell one of two ways, sweat or an entire bottle of Axe cologne. They spend WAY too much time in the shower, and…the girls. It can be difficult, particularly for moms, to adjust to the physical changes as well as the emotional withdrawal that takes place during puberty. As a mom, our desire is to connect with our children emotionally. We want to be there for them. We would happily suffer through the awful smell and cracks in their voice if they would just, for a moment, let us IN. They don’t want to let you in, because it’s weird to talk to mom about anything. Frankly, it’s awkward for you too. You don’t know what to say or how to start and the old ways of communicating just don’t work anymore.

Here is the truth…it HAS changed. All of it changes, and it happens way too fast. This adjustment, although it feels tougher than all the other ones, is simply an adjustment. Just like when he started school or when he learned to use the potty. It all worked itself out then and it will now. You do, however, need some tools to get through this one. Luckily, there are some good tools that can make this time a bit easier to navigate through. If used correctly, you may even see a glimpse of that precious little one who wanted to share everything with his mommy first!

  1. Know that there are changes, BUT do not pretend to UNDERSTAND all of them: You have NO idea what it’s like to be a teenage boy. Not emotionally, not physically. Additionally, remember that HE has no idea what it’s like to be a teenage boy; he too has never been one! Rather than focusing on the physical changes, focus on how it must FEEL in his body. You don’t know what it must be like for a boy, but you do know what it feels like to be awkward, confused, and hormonal. This is an out-of-control feeling that nobody likes. It can lead to anger, outbursts, and frustration. Use these moments of anger to connect rather than respond emotionally. Take a step back, breathe, listen, and provide a reasonable consequence for the behavior.
  2. Set Boundaries: In therapy I often hear parents of teens become so overwhelmed with the emotional outbursts that they choose a hands-off approach. They don’t want to deal with the fluctuating emotions and behavior so they quit trying. NO, NO, NO! Boys in particular need structure. They need safety at a time when things can feel out of control. Don’t remove boundaries; adjust them so that they are age appropriate with clear
  3. Model Healthy Behavior: If you are not in control of your emotions or relationships, he will not know how to be in control of his emotions or relationships. If you know this is an area you struggle with, work on it. He will not learn how to treat a woman with respect if you are not setting that expectation for the men in your life. He needs you to SHOW him, much more than he needs you to TELL him.
  4. Accept & Embrace Dad’s Time to Shine: Let’s face it – this is a time in which boys need a father figure. They will need more time with Dad or uncle, or male pastor, ect. They need somebody who understands, yes more than you, how to be a man. Leave room for this. Encourage this. Help them find this if they don’t already have it.
  5. Give them Responsibilities: Teenage boys are busy. With increasing school loads, after school activities, and friends there is not a lot of room left for chores. Some parents worry that giving them responsibilities is adding to an already heavy load and so they remove the burden. Remember that teenage boys need a sense of control in a chaotic time. Rather than removing chores all together, change them. Have them create and cook dinner once a week. Give them three options for a weekend chore that allows for an added sense of control such as:

1) Not just re-mulching the yard but going to the store to buy mulch and telling him he will need to figure out the best option for the yard on his own.

2) Have him pick a person to assist with a task, chore or errand in some             way once a month. This can be a neighbor, teacher, friend, ect.

3) Take a sibling to a book store monthly, buy a book, and read it to them             once a week.

  1. Balance: It might be time to LET GO a bit mama. I know, it’s hard but they need some space. You want to set boundaries, give responsibilities, and GRACE. The hardest part can be trying to hold on to the developmental stage that they were in before. If you let go a bit and embrace the time rather than fight it – you will see that underneath the smell, through the hormones, and around the corner from the girls is the MAN you worked so hard to raise. You did well, Mom. Let him show you!

The Beauty of Mindfulness

What do you think about when you hear the word mindfulness? Not losing your mind, being quiet, being attuned to social cues, or staying in the present?

Mindfulness as defined in the Merriam-Webster dictionary is the “quality or state of being conscious or aware of something; or the practice of maintaining a nonjudgmental state of heightened or complete awareness of one’s thoughts, emotions, or experiences on a moment-to-moment basis”.

Why would someone exercise this practice at all?

In a person’s average day, thoughts and feelings that surface are appraised as either positive or negative. The thoughts and feelings appraised as negative typically are suppressed or avoided, which affirms them as powerful. This affirmation helps the thoughts and feelings develop into a disruptive part of a person’s framework. In the wake, lots of energy is spent on avoiding those negative thoughts and feelings at any cost. That can mean staying home, not engaging in enjoyable activities, or even self-medicating with alcohol or drugs.

This is where mindfulness comes in. Mindfulness does not just help you relax, although that ultimately happens, but it also helps you acknowledge and accept the real time experiences in your mind and body without judging yourself for it. The hope is that as you acknowledge, accept and stop struggling to control every sensation, thought, or feeling, you realize its only a process that will pass on like a leaf floating on a stream. With enough practice, individuals can gain self-compassion and break the cycle of avoiding and self-medicating, which only maintains what could ultimately become anxiety or depression.

If you are calm, mindfulness can be relatively straightforward. And while it can be learned in many different ways, breathing exercises or eating exercises are probably the most common way to start. These exercises help slow down the restless mind and create an opportunity to focus on the simple act itself. During a breathing exercise, for example, individuals may be encouraged to be conscious of how the chest rises at inhale and falls at exhale, the temperature of the breath, the cold air as you breath in, the hot air as you breath out, the feeling of your arms hanging on your shoulders, or your bottom on a chair or on the floor. If thoughts arise during a breathing exercise, individuals are encouraged to look at them as non-judgmental observers, not trying to get rid of them or classifying them as good or bad, but just letting them pass on.

Mindfulness may not be as easy when you are not in a peaceful state of mind. Whether you are dealing with an overall feeling of anxiety, a specific trigger, or a fear of losing control, for example, mindfulness can require a great amount of discipline. And in the same vein, if negative thoughts arise during the actual mindfulness exercise, it’s easy for the person to become defensive and lose the intent of the exercise. However, it is these times that are arguably the most important to stay dedicated and re-center on the exercise itself and be a non-judgmental observer.

 

Cool

Once again, Calvin and Hobbes address this topic with more style and clarity than I ever could. For you kids out there who haven’t found this out yet for yourselves, “cool” lasts long after adolescence has ended. And unfortunately, it generally involves equal parts self-protection, detachment, and insecurity. If only we could all be a bit more like Hobbes…

Calvin and Hobbes Cool 1 Calvin and Hobbes cool 2 Calvin and Hobbes cool 3

The Teen WiFi Epidemic: Teaching your Teen to Disconnect

I recently had my sixteen year old niece over to babysit and was extremely pleased with the job she did. She was timely. She was responsible. She did an exceptional job in getting the baby to sleep and caring for her while we were out. We left home around 7pm after the baby was down and my niece was sitting on the couch playing with her phone as we left. When we returned (6 hours later) my niece was still awake and on her phone. I asked what she had done all night and she said, “Nothing, just played on my phone.” I was a bit surprised but then I remembered my teenage years and how I always tried to stay up late on the phone talking to friends and chalked it up to the “teenage thing.” The next morning we all woke up and the first thing that she did was pick up her phone and check Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, Instagram, and SnapChat to “find out what she had missed.” We made breakfast and served it, but like a magnet attached to her hand there was the incessant and attention seeking iPhone. When she went to shower or use the restroom she took her phone with her. We attempted several conversations but and it was hard to get a word in with her because she was on her phone. As a matter of fact, she spent the entire day completely consumed with her phone. It was difficult to engage her at any level – troubling. I have a great respect for teenagers – I truly believe many people view them as a nuisance and don’t believe they have much to offer in those challenging stages of life. I disagree wholeheartedly. I think teens are exceptional and when given the opportunity can teach us adults many, many things. I have even chosen a career in which I can work with teens to encourage them and give them a voice. But even for me the cell phone use was maddening. I literally wanted to grab the phone and throw it off of our 2nd floor balcony and yell “HEY THERE!!! LIFE IS HAPPENING OUT HERE AND NOT IN THAT STUPID PHONE!” Of course I didn’t but it did get me thinking…

Disconnecting from technology is difficult these days on everybody, particular teenagers. The good ol’ days of riding down the street on your bike to meet up with your friends are gone…now they just “hit them up on Twitter or Instagram.” It can be challenging as a parent to allow independence and creativity while still setting effective boundaries in regards to the use of technology. Recently a three-year research study was conducted by the Brown University School of Medicine and the New England Center for Pediatric Psychology reflecting the effects of technology on our kids. The results were such that clinically, we are seeing an increase in symptoms typically associated with anxiety and depression. The symptoms include: short-term memory problems, decreased attention span, sleep deprivation, excessive moodiness and general dissatisfaction. The study results were such that when a child or adolescent unplugs, particularly at night, the symptoms decrease. Bottom line, unplugging is necessary.

So-as a parent how do you get your teen to disconnect? How can you allow them the space to express themselves via social media and communicate using today’s technology while encouraging them to look up and see the world around them? How do we ensure their safety? Here a few tips to make it a bit easier:

  1. Give in…a little. Let’s face it- technology is here to stay. As parents you need to learn how this stuff works. Teens love to text- so text your teen. Figure out how social media works so that you can be aware of the dangers and limitations. Google it. If you do not know how to “Google” it reach out for help J
  2. Don’t be the Secret Cyber Stalker Parent: You don’t have to secretly set up a Twitter or Facebook account and cyber-stalk them… just communicate. Tell your teen what the expectations are for social media and that you will be monitoring their activity. Let them know what the dangers of posting things you can NEVER EVER take back. They need to know that you are looking and they need to know what the boundaries are. Respect them enough to let them know what is acceptable and what is not.
  3. Set time limits: Be very clear on when it is inappropriate to be on your phone. For example, when we are at the table we talk to each other and not on the phone. When we have company over, no phones. Leave your phones in the living room before going to bed. Put this in writing if necessary.
  4. There must be consequences: You cannot have limits without clear consequences. This does not have to be complicated. For example: a drop in your grades=less time on your phone daily. The more you communicate the less room for discussion when consequences are implemented. To an extent of course – part of being a teen is testing the limits, so be ready. Again, put this in writing if necessary.
  5. Be an example: Disconnect yourself as well! Model good behavior. If they cannot eat dinner and text, neither can you.
  6. NO texting and driving. Period. No exceptions.
  7. TIME: Spend time with your teenager. Find out what THEY like and DO IT. If you hate video games and your kid loves it – try it! When its time to do something you like be sure it does not involve technology like a walk in the park or time at the driving range. Teach them to enjoy life unplugged and to remember how important a real conversation with another human being is. There is no better way to get to know what your teen is doing than to talk to them and leave an open door for them to talk to you. YOU are important to them regardless of how often they say they hate you.
  8. Let them practice: You will have to give them some wiggle room at some point. How can they practice all the good things you have taught them if you don’t trust them enough to give it a shot? I am all about having boundaries, teenagers need and want them, but have a little faith in the work you have done and let them prove you wrong before bringing down the hammer.

Identifying Passions, Behaviors, Motivations and Interests

The holiday season is typically NOT a time where we allow ourselves the “space” to sit back and think. Why do we do the things we do?  What makes my child behave that way? What motivates my colleague? What interests me enough to pursue it as a hobby, college major, or job. NOPE. It’s the time where we push all  of these questions to the back burner of our minds and think, “I’ll deal with that when I have time.”  Newsflash: two weeks off from school, a couple days away from work, and a more flexible schedule (that is, when you’re not traveling!) is exactly the time to consider these things.  This year, I’m offering some office hours for feedback sessions during the weeks of Christmas and New Year’s  to accommodate people who’d like to come in to receive their feedback while they’re away from work or school.

It may seem like a daunting task to approach questions like those above.  Five years ago, I was faced with some tough questions regarding myself: where to work, who to marry, and how to interact with my family.  Then the Birkman…

Oh, the Birkman (short for Birkman Method assessment).  It’s a  298 question (250 true-false, 48 multi-choice) that you take online whenever you’d like (home, office, vacation, etc) and should take about 30 minutes to complete. The results available immediately after completion and are then sent to me for report preparation. The questionnaire is translated into over 20 languages and, yes, we offer Skype sessions for feedback. There are dozens of report formats for individuals, pairs, and groups. These options make the Birkman a great tool for exploring a college major, switching careers, pre-marital or marital counseling, family counseling, and “figuring out” what makes your relationship with your teenager or spouse thrive or plumit.

What I once thought was just a couple of pieces of paper telling me more about my personality has turned out to be so much more.  I’ve utilized my own results to land a stable career at Heritage Behavioral Health Consultants, marry a man who I can communicate and be vulnerable with, and connect with my sister in a way I never thought possible. If you’re willing to make the time to invest in this tool, I don’t think you’ll be disappointed. Call us today (713-365-9015) to receive a quote for your assessment and schedule a feedback session. Spots for the holiday weeks are limited.

Am I Addicted to Social Media?

When standing in the grocery store line turns into a opportunity to check your Facebook messages or waiting in the doctor’s office is the perfect chance to scroll through your Instagram posts…you might need to pause and consider the impact social media is making on your life.

First, let’s make sure we’re all operating on a similar definition of social media. For the purposes of this casual article, we’ll consider social media as interaction among people in which they create, share or exchange information and ideas in virtual communities and networks.

So what social media outlets are you engaged in?  Facebook, Twiiter, Instagram, Vine, SnapChat, MySpace, blogs, Linked In, etc? They are avenues to interaction with other people…or are they?  Many people will unashamedly admit that they spend more time on social media, email, and texts than they actually spend talking to another human being WITH THEIR VOICE (i.e., face to face conversations, phone calls, meetings, dates, etc.)  Now before you think this is turning into an article about how to teach the younger generation how to learn people skills, keep reading.

I’m not suggesting that social media is wrong, immature, or mentally numbing. There are great things that come from social media: job interviews, connections with friends who live in other cities, product marketing…BUT I am proposing that we have to be careful how much, when, and why we take part in social media.

A few months ago, I found myself intrigued with an article in the January 2014 edition of Real Simple magazine all about this topic. They surveyed women to discover how they report feeling when they use social media: 19% reported that they feel “connected”, 19% entertained, 19% informed, 8% bored, 7% inspired, 7% overwhelmed, 6% relaxed, 5% inadequate, 4% jealous and 3% isolate. Wow! The effects of social media are definitely mixed…but did you notice that half of these reported feelings are emotions that people usually don’t want  to feel (bored, overwhelmed, inadequate, jealous, isolated). So why do we do this to ourselves?  What’s the gain?

While it definitely helps us to feel a sense of connection with friends, family, or long-lost school-mates, some might argue this is a false sense of connection.  Why false? Glad you asked.  When you are “connecting” (e.g., tweeting, posting, pinning, and vining), do you ever put the hard stuff out there…you know: the picture of yourself when you roll of out bed, the kids screaming at each other during mid-afternoon meltdowns, an image of your computer screen during another mundane day at work, or the pile of laundry that needs to get done. If you answer “no” to this, then you’re amongst the majority. So here’s the catch: we spend hours looking at or reading about each other’s pleasurable moments: the summer vacation scenes, the posed family pics, the new baby sleeping, or someone’s new house… but we don’t know what’s really  happening in their lives. Maybe the family on vacation had a horrible fight over dinner. Perhaps the new baby sleeping is one born to parents after multiple miscarriages. What if the new house is full of dishes to still get washed or laundry to be done.  You get it yet? To really connect with someone requires us to see the whole picture.  Otherwise, we might be tempted to compare our not-so-pitcture-perfect lives with someone else’s and wonder how we get there.  I’m NOT suggesting that you get off of social media…unless that would be a healthy experiment for you. I AM proposing that we use it wisely: considering our motives, it’s effects, and the reality behind it.  Also, I’m recommending that we see it for what it is: an avenue towards real relationships but not a substitute for them.

So maybe you’re like me and you notice that you have a tendency towards social media addiction. What do we do about it? Digging deeper into the practical implications of the Real Simple January 2014 magazine article, I followed a link to one author’s recommendations. She had several recommendations for people who are looking for ways to reduce the allure of social media in their lives.  A full list of her ideas can be found here  Amongst my favorite, practical ideas were these:

 Sign Off for a Weekend. A two-day respite isn’t enough to cure you of your habit. You’ll still be anxious when you return to the onslaught of electronic messages, says Larry Rosen, Ph.D., the author of iDisorder ($16, amazon.com). But a little time away from the screen reminds you how nice life is sans status updates.

Check With Purpose. Most of us wander onto social media aimlessly—usually when we’re bored. To cut back, set a higher bar for logging on. Ask yourself, Do I have a specific, positive reason for this? If you can’t come up with one (say, wanting to see a relative’s wedding photos), resist the urge and do something that will boost your mood, like calling a friend or diving into an engaging book.

Be a Tough Editor. Before you post a status update or a photo, question your motive: Are you just trying to prove that you’re having a good time? Is this the fourteenth picture of your baby that you’ve posted this week? If the answer is yes, try chatting with a friend or texting the picture to your mom. You could also jot down your thoughts in a notebook, or if you’re somewhere lovely, sketch the spot….Posting a photo has the opposite effect: You stop thinking about your experience and start contemplating other people’s responses to it.

I’ll add one to the list that has been useful for me.

 Choose a time and set a timer. Decide when you’d like to take some time to engage in social media and then set an alarm clock on your phone or computer to limit the endless online wandering.  I’ve found that I’m more intentional about what I am looking at and which social media avenue I’m on when I know that my “time” will be up in five or ten minutes. This way, I still get the pleasure of “catching up” on people’s lives but I’m not wasting hours perusing photos of people I haven’t talked to in years. It also frees us up to be present in real-life social situations. Just last month I found myself actually having a conversation with a woman in the waiting room because I wasn’t staring at my phone. I found it refreshing to sit and talk!

The Building of Balance

Balance in our lives is NOT a destination, meaning that once we arrive, we are done.  It is not a static goal we achieve and then maintain forever.

I like to call it “building” balance; as opposed to “achieving” balance—because like building a house, it is a work in progress, it requires maintenance, and occasionally needs reworking.   So how do we “build” this elusive thing called balance?

1)     Stay Present.  Live in the moment instead of fretting about yesterday or worrying  about tomorrow.  If you feel angry about something—feel the anger and work through it.  When you feel joyful about something, embrace the joy fully.

2)  Stop the “Spinning”.  Learn to recognize an manage your internal conflicts. (Anything that disturbs your inner peace, such as unnecessary guilt, excessive worry, unhealthy people pleasing, etc).  Be honest about who you really are and don’t be afraid to stray from the norm.  Live life according to your core beliefs.

3)  Simplify Your Life.  The more “stuff” we have and the more activities we have to manage, makes it more difficult to find just the right balance.  Learn to set appropriate and healthy boundaries for yourself.  This means allowing yourself to say “no” when necessary without feeling guilty!

4)  Know What You Want.  Take time to know WHO you are first.  Figure out what you value, by examining each aspect of your “self.”  Make active choices that lead you toward balance.  If your choices don’t line up with who you are and what you value, then you are not holding fast to your own integrity and your life will feel out of balance.

5)  Nurture Your Spirit and Embrace Love.  We all have a spiritual element to our being and with that comes an innate need to love and be loved.  With all the ups and downs in life, love is the gift that balances it all and brings us back toward a more peaceful state.  Exercise your faith.  Enjoy nature.  Keep your soul filled with positive and inspiring activities.  Be brave enough to let go of activities and relationships that squelch your spirit and prevent you from being your authentic self.  It is then we will be able to give generously of ourselves.

Balance is a fluid state that changes from day to day.  Just like the ocean tide moves in and out, look at whether your life is moving away from or toward balance.

Assess it over a period of time—one or two stressful days here and there does not mean your life is out of balance.  BUT, if chaos is the norm for you, try some of these ideas!

Hopefully, it will be a good “jumpstart” toward building better balance in your life.

Life According to the Birkman Method®

“What should I do with my life?” Most of us have asked this question at some point in our journey. If you are a teenager trying to decide which college to attend, a college student aiming to find the best major for your interests, an adult who wants to make a career change or a spouse who wants to improve your relationships… The Birkman Method® Assessment may be a useful tool for you.

So, what exactly is the Birkman Method? * The Birkman Method® consists of a 298-question online personality assessment and a series of related report sets that enhance career counseling and interpersonal conflict resolution, and executive coaching leadership development. The Birkman Method® combines motivational, behavioral and interest evaluation into one single assessment, which provides a multi-dimensional and comprehensive analysis, thus reducing the need for multiple assessments. The questionnaire is delivered on-line and should take about 45 minutes to complete. It has been translated into 11 languages in addition to English.

In brief, The Birkman Method® includes the five following major perspectives:
1. Usual Behavior – an individual’s effective behavioral style of dealing with relationships and tasks.
2. Underlying Needs – an individual’s expectations of how relationships and social situations should be governed in context of the relationship or situation.
3. Stress Behaviors – an individual’s ineffective style of dealing with relationships or tasks; behavior observed when underlying needs are not met.
4. Interests – an individual’s expressed preference for job titles based on the assumption of equal economic rewards.
5. Organizational Focus – the perspective in which an individual views problems and solutions relating to organizational goals.

The Birkman can be used in a wide range of applications because it is a non-clinical instrument for measuring human behavior and occupational strengths. Many have found it helpful for pre-employment, individual development, career guidance, career management, career transition, counseling, martial counseling, coaching, executive coaching, leadership development, team building, team development, conflict management, stress management, culture management, workplace diversity, crisis management, retirement planning, and succession planning.

The Birkman Method Assessment’s insightful reports are designed to be used by Birkman Certified Consultants and those that have received training in The Birkman Method®. If you’re interested in completing the Birkman assessment, please contact us at 713-365-9015 or heritage@heritagebehavioral.com to find out more about cost and availability. After this, I will send you a link to complete since The Birkman Method® is delivered on-line. Then, we’ll meet in person for feedback that will be given using a report-set that best fits your needs.

*Used with permission and adapted from  www.birkman.com. Accessed on April 8, 2013 online at http://www.birkman.com/birkmanMethod/whatIsTheBirkmanMethod.php