The Building of Balance

Balance in our lives is NOT a destination, meaning that once we arrive, we are done.  It is not a static goal we achieve and then maintain forever.

I like to call it “building” balance; as opposed to “achieving” balance—because like building a house, it is a work in progress, it requires maintenance, and occasionally needs reworking.   So how do we “build” this elusive thing called balance?

1)     Stay Present.  Live in the moment instead of fretting about yesterday or worrying  about tomorrow.  If you feel angry about something—feel the anger and work through it.  When you feel joyful about something, embrace the joy fully.

2)  Stop the “Spinning”.  Learn to recognize an manage your internal conflicts. (Anything that disturbs your inner peace, such as unnecessary guilt, excessive worry, unhealthy people pleasing, etc).  Be honest about who you really are and don’t be afraid to stray from the norm.  Live life according to your core beliefs.

3)  Simplify Your Life.  The more “stuff” we have and the more activities we have to manage, makes it more difficult to find just the right balance.  Learn to set appropriate and healthy boundaries for yourself.  This means allowing yourself to say “no” when necessary without feeling guilty!

4)  Know What You Want.  Take time to know WHO you are first.  Figure out what you value, by examining each aspect of your “self.”  Make active choices that lead you toward balance.  If your choices don’t line up with who you are and what you value, then you are not holding fast to your own integrity and your life will feel out of balance.

5)  Nurture Your Spirit and Embrace Love.  We all have a spiritual element to our being and with that comes an innate need to love and be loved.  With all the ups and downs in life, love is the gift that balances it all and brings us back toward a more peaceful state.  Exercise your faith.  Enjoy nature.  Keep your soul filled with positive and inspiring activities.  Be brave enough to let go of activities and relationships that squelch your spirit and prevent you from being your authentic self.  It is then we will be able to give generously of ourselves.

Balance is a fluid state that changes from day to day.  Just like the ocean tide moves in and out, look at whether your life is moving away from or toward balance.

Assess it over a period of time—one or two stressful days here and there does not mean your life is out of balance.  BUT, if chaos is the norm for you, try some of these ideas!

Hopefully, it will be a good “jumpstart” toward building better balance in your life.

Life According to the Birkman Method®

“What should I do with my life?” Most of us have asked this question at some point in our journey. If you are a teenager trying to decide which college to attend, a college student aiming to find the best major for your interests, an adult who wants to make a career change or a spouse who wants to improve your relationships… The Birkman Method® Assessment may be a useful tool for you.

So, what exactly is the Birkman Method? * The Birkman Method® consists of a 298-question online personality assessment and a series of related report sets that enhance career counseling and interpersonal conflict resolution, and executive coaching leadership development. The Birkman Method® combines motivational, behavioral and interest evaluation into one single assessment, which provides a multi-dimensional and comprehensive analysis, thus reducing the need for multiple assessments. The questionnaire is delivered on-line and should take about 45 minutes to complete. It has been translated into 11 languages in addition to English.

In brief, The Birkman Method® includes the five following major perspectives:
1. Usual Behavior – an individual’s effective behavioral style of dealing with relationships and tasks.
2. Underlying Needs – an individual’s expectations of how relationships and social situations should be governed in context of the relationship or situation.
3. Stress Behaviors – an individual’s ineffective style of dealing with relationships or tasks; behavior observed when underlying needs are not met.
4. Interests – an individual’s expressed preference for job titles based on the assumption of equal economic rewards.
5. Organizational Focus – the perspective in which an individual views problems and solutions relating to organizational goals.

The Birkman can be used in a wide range of applications because it is a non-clinical instrument for measuring human behavior and occupational strengths. Many have found it helpful for pre-employment, individual development, career guidance, career management, career transition, counseling, martial counseling, coaching, executive coaching, leadership development, team building, team development, conflict management, stress management, culture management, workplace diversity, crisis management, retirement planning, and succession planning.

The Birkman Method Assessment’s insightful reports are designed to be used by Birkman Certified Consultants and those that have received training in The Birkman Method®. If you’re interested in completing the Birkman assessment, please contact us at 713-365-9015 or heritage@heritagebehavioral.com to find out more about cost and availability. After this, I will send you a link to complete since The Birkman Method® is delivered on-line. Then, we’ll meet in person for feedback that will be given using a report-set that best fits your needs.

*Used with permission and adapted from  www.birkman.com. Accessed on April 8, 2013 online at http://www.birkman.com/birkmanMethod/whatIsTheBirkmanMethod.php

I Hate Valentine’s Day!

By Jerry Duncan, M Div, LMFT and Jill Early, M Ed, LPC-Intern

When the 14th starts looming over the mid-February horizon, MANY people who are not in the mythical, perfectly loving, and romantic relationship start thinking something like:  “Oh no, another Valentine’s Day SEASON!  It’s like Christmas… they start advertising at Halloween about the perfect gifts and how wonderful the SEASON is going to be.  I’ll be glad when it’s over!”

This group of people often feel the pain and/or sadness of not being in a “special” relationship for any of the reasons that are a real part of life… breakup, divorce, death, thinking they are unlovable or unwanted, etc.  Like most people, they have accepted the myth as truth that it SHOULD be a super special day.  However, day 45 of the calendar year is just like days 44 and 46, in terms of relationship.

There are at least three things on which to focus that have the potential for being helpful if Valentine’s day creates these kinds of feelings.

  • Honestly evaluate what our role might be in not being in one of the so-called SPECIAL relationships, learn from that evaluation, and make a plan for how to change ourselves in the next 364 days so that we can experience what we might prefer.
  • Accept and rejoice that we are not faced daily with the challenge and effort required to create and maintain a healthy relationship that might slightly resemble the mythical one which is the focus of Valentine’s Day.
  • Focus on the other significant relationships we have and challenge ourselves to give THEM the experience of knowing how they are important, loved, adored, valued, and cherished by at least one person, us.  How wonderful it might feel to anticipate the day knowing that we were going to offer those SPECIAL feelings for someone else to fully experience and enjoy.  How wonderful it might feel to go to bed (yes, alone) that night with the feeling it would give us knowing what we had done for someone else that day.  Focusing outward on what we can extend to others can be even more rewarding than focusing on what we lack.