Are You Wasting Your Emotional Energy?

So I’m going to talk about famous people for a bit.  Just bear with me.

As I was watching the news on Tuesday morning, a story about the rivalry between Kanye West and Taylor Swift (both current pop/R&B icons) was brought to my attention.  The segment focused on a speech given at the Grammy Award Ceremony by T. Swift.  A portion of the speech is below.

“There are going to be people along the way who will try to undercut your success, or take credit for your accomplishments or your fame, but if you just focus on the work and you don’t let those people sidetrack you…”

Evidently, Swift was responding to a lyric in one of West’s new songs where he supposedly tried to take credit for her success.  I understand that she is standing up for herself, and encouraging young women to persevere.  However, both of these celebrities continue to hold power over one another by constantly talking about each other publicly.  The news anchors reminded me that this all started back in 2009!  That’s 7 years ago people!

SERIOUSLY!?   How often do we waist emotional energy focusing on grudges or past hurts?  Holding grudges will steel your joy and, frankly, it’s a terrible waste of emotional energy– energy that we could be using to grow, discover, process, relate, connect, and practice vulnerability.  Yes, working through horrendous hurts and pain takes time and work.  Some of my clients have experienced things that make me weep if I dwell on them and these experiences will never disappear.  Experiences change people.  But, if we are able to spend the time and do the work (hard work) of confronting our pasts honestly, then we are able to experience a new sense of freedom and peace that is life-giving.  We are able to focus on what we desire to focus on- healthy relationships; and stop focusing, all the time, on those who have injured us.

If you are allowing a past experience to rule your mind and heart, reach out and seek help. This takes an extreme amount of courage, but sometimes (a lot of times) we need a professional to walk alongside us and teach us how to move forward in a healthy way.  Whether it’s sexual, physical, verbal, or emotional abuse, trauma, or relationship issues, something that happened as a child, or 3 years ago, don’t waste any more precious time.  Make an appointment with a counselor today.

Dating Danger Signs

Do not be fooled, this article is for you! Whether you are currently in a dating relationship, hoping to date soon, or even if you are in a long-term, committed relationship and want to be able to provide good advice to your loved ones who are in the dating world, pay attention to this information!

We’ve all heard it said, “He’s the one. He’s perfect.” As joyful as those words sound and how desperately we long for the fairy tale love story, the butterflies do eventually flutter away. We find that this “perfect” person is actually human and does make mistakes after all. Every relationship will have its trials and tribulations and every couple will have differences. However, it’s extremely important to know when these differences are too much? The red flags below are significant signs that your relationship is at risk or has the potential to become hazardous.

Your relationship may be in dangerous waters if you:

• Participate in frequent arguments over the same issues.
• Get involved physically sooner than you desire.
• Experience abuse of any kind: verbal, physical, emotional, or sexual.
• Avoid sensitive subjects in fear of hurting your partner’s feelings and/or starting an argument.
• Notice an absence of spiritual compatibility.
• Remain in the relationship out of fear.
• Always do what your partner wants to do and have few shared interests.
• Find the people who love you are strongly against the relationship.

Beware if your partner:

• Displays a lack of trust: overly jealous, suspicious, or questions your motives.
• Continually makes excuses for not keeping a job or lacking money.
• Responds with angry outbursts, extreme reactions, or highly defensive remarks.
• Constantly criticizes who you are or what you do.

If any of these danger signs resonate for you, PAY ATTENTION. Take a step back and further evaluate the situation. Have the confidence to ask for help. Trust yourself. If your heart tells you that you need out, RUN, don’t walk!